Football Scores
Week 11
  • Rockport-Fulton 0 VS La Feria 0
    November 17
  • Sharyland Pioneer 0 VS Mercedes 0
    November 17
  • Brownsville Hanna 0 VS Edinburg Vela 0
    November 17
  • Brownsville Lopez 0 VS Mission Veterans Memorial 0
    November 17
  • Grulla 0 VS Pleasanton 0
    November 17
  • Weslaco East 0 VS PSJA High 0
    November 17
  • Santa Rosa 0 VS Goliad 0
    November 17
  • La Joya High 0 VS San Antonio Southwest 0
    November 17
  • Sharyland High 0 VS Brownsville Pace 0
    November 17
  • Laredo United South 0 VS McAllen Memorial 0
    November 17
  • McAllen Rowe 17 VS Laredo Alexander 42
    Final
  • Los Fresnos 34 VS Edinburg High 14
    Final
  • Edinburg North 7 VS San Benito 50
    Final

Lamb of God's Randy Blythe Accidentally Burns Penis

Randy-Blythe
There’s never a dull moment with Lamb Of God frontman Randy Blythe, who recently took to Instagram to report that he had burned his penis on boiling hot coffee.

The metal singer, who was recently acquitted of manslaughter in the Czech Republic, explained – in great detail – how his penis was scalded by the coffee in the post. “The sun was setting & it was beautiful evening as I road along the coast to the grocery store, still in my surf trunks & sipping on a fresh mug of boiling hot black coffee. I was listening to some mellow piano music & making a right turn when I made the tragic mistake placing the mug between my barely covered legs.

“As I turned my truck, happily humming along to the mellow piano music on my stereo, suddenly there was a searing white hot explosion of agony in my crotch. The lid of my mug had come loose, and liquid caffeinated FIRE had covered my, well…it had covered my penis.

“I briefly lost control of my truck, swerving into the lane of oncoming traffic, barely missing another truck, before quickly pulling into a nearby parking lot to try & make some sense of this atrocity I had committed against myself. I felt like I was going to throw up for a good minute or two, then I regained control & started returning home to do what I knew what I had to do. I had to put him on ice. I do not normally talk to my penis, he does not have a nickname or anything like that, but if there ever was a time for encouraging words to my lifelong companion, it was now.”

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